


Your Secret

by nightfallgoddess



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Accident, Amnesia, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Connor, F/M, First Love, Heartbreak, Hurt Jude, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Oral Sex, POV Connor, POV Jude, Pain, Prom, Regret, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Top Jude, Underage Drinking, hurt Connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3723757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightfallgoddess/pseuds/nightfallgoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's their senior year and Jude and Connor have been secretly dating for two years. Prom's coming up and Jude wants to go with Connor. But, is Connor ready to give up the safety of their secret relationship and come out to the rest of the world?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"I don't get this, I don't get YOU"_

Those were the words that changed everything. Connor had kissed him in his bedroom and everything had changed. Ever since that warm spring afternoon, they've been together...secretly. Jude hadn't told his moms, but he was sure that the knew something was up.

Connor wanted to keep it a secret, their secret. Jude understood, Connor wasn't ready to come out to his father or the school.

He understood that _two years ago_ , now they were eighteen -year-olds and he has never been on a date or been to dance with someone. He wanted that, he wanted do that with Connor. Prom was right around the corner, at the end of the month to be exact, and for once, he wanted to go with someone that he cares about. But, he couldn't go with Connor without exposing their relationship, everyone would know. Jude was fine with that, but, he wasn't sure that Connor would be.

Jude decided,that the next time he and Connor hanged out, he would ask him about it.

He and Connor were sitting in his room, working on their pre-calc homework. Connor wasn't the best at math and asked Jude if he could help him understand the concepts before their test on Monday. Jude agreed, of course.

Before they headed home, they stopped by The Cup and grabbed their favorite chocolate cupcakes with blue icing on top. They were now eating them as they worked on their homework, blue icing staining book pages. Connor finished his cupcake faster than a squirrel with a horde of acorns. Jude silently giggled as he watched Connor stuff the rest of his cupcake in his mouth. A little bit of blue icing remained on the corner of his mouth.

Jude reached out and gently wiped the icing away with his thumb, putting his thumb in his mouth to taste the icing. The whole time, Connor's eyes fixed on his, eyes wide open. Jude could feel his face burning and he shyly looked down. He really wasn't the forward one in their relationship, that role mostly belonged to Connor. But, he couldn't help himself, in that moment, he had felt the pull stronger than ever.

He felt the brush of fingers under his chin, pulling it up. "Hey," Connor whispered softly, with a small smile on his face. Jude pulled his eyes to meet the boy in front of him. "Hey," he responded. Jude knew what came next. This was their thing. Connor would say "hey", and then Jude, would respond, and then Connor would kiss him. Connor leaned in slowly, his eyes on Jude's. Jude met him half way, their lips touching gently, in the middle. Jude could still taste the blue icing on Connor's lips, and he licked them slightly as the kiss deepened.

After a couple of minutes, Jude pulled apart. "I need to talk to you about something that's been on my mind for awhile now." 

"Sure, what is it?"

Jude let out a small breath. "It's about Prom.''

Connor didn't say anything. Jude snuck a glance at him. Connor looked at him with a incredulous expression, his teeth worrying at his bottom lip.

"What about Prom?"

"I-I want us to go together, Con." Jude grabbed Connor's hand. "We've been together for two years now. We've never been on a date nor gone to a dance together as a couple. It's our senior year...and I want us to make the most of it, with each other.

" _Jude-_ " Connor began.

Jude knew that tone, but he continued."Why can't we have everything that all the other couples have? Why do you insist on us being a secret? We're not doing anything wrong." Jude's voice filled the room and he pulled back from Connor, hurt.

"I just-Jude, look. I just don't think it's a good idea"

"Why the hell not?" Jude clenched his hands, he never swore, but he was angry and upset.

"People will know, my dad will find out, and so will the team. You know how some of them are."

"Connor, you're the captain. They're not going to hate you for being gay, they respect you." Jude said.

"Maybe, but, I just- don't know. Why can't we just leave things as they are? We can get different dates and still go together. You could ask Taylor or something and I go with Daria." Connor suggested.

Jude stayed silent. His heart ached and he felt tired and hazy. He could feel tears welling in his eyes, he blinked them away. 

"I can't do this anymore, Connor," He said.

"Come one, Jude. Stop over reac-"

"Over reacting?! We've been together for _two years_ , Connor! Two whole fucking years. We've had sex and everything a couple does, except what a couple does, date. And you want me to be your secret. You won't even tell your dad that you're gay. Because, Connor you're fucking _gay_ ," Jude spat out. He knew that he should stop before he said something that he didn't mean, but he was too upset to care, and he continued with a staggering breath.

"Stop pretending that you're not. I'm so sick of making up excuses for you and trying to hide what we have. I want everyone to know that you're mine and I'm yours.I-I want you to be able love me, the way that you are, without being scared that someone will find out."

Connor looked down at his hands as Jude waited for his response. After a few seconds, Connor looked up at Jude, his jaw clenched. Jude felt a sense of dread wash over him as he watched Connor open and close his mouth, trying to find the right words to say. The silence in the room felt like trapped compartment around them, and Jude could feel himself suffocating from anxiety.

"I'm sorry, Jude. I-I just, I can't give you what you want." Connor said, his voice monotone and distant.

Jude felt like he had just been whacked with a baseball bat, the air knocked out of him. He shook his head frantically, hands trembling as Connor awkwardly got off of his bed and gathered his homework into his bag, his back facing Jude.

Jude couldn'tnt force himself to let words escape his mouth. The sound of Connor's bag zipping was the only sound in the room."Connor..." he said, barely above a whisper but he knee that Connor heard him from the way that he paused while he puts his book bag on his shoulder. Connor resumed and without looking back, left Jude's room, closing the door behind him gently.

Jude felt as if a part of him had just left. He heard voices downstairs. He tuned them out. The sound of Connor's truck's engine broke his silence and Jude inched his way towards his window. He watched as Connor backed out of the drive way, in the new the road, leaving exhaust trailing behind him as he drove off. The knock at his door startled him.

He knew It was Callie.

"Jude? can I come in?" she said. There was a pause on the other side of the door as she waited for a response.

Callie opened the door when she heard a broken voice say, " _Callie_." She ran to Jude's side and wrapped her arms around her little brother, no longer little anymore, he now towered over her. She sat there quietly, as Jude wrapped his arms around her back.

The sound of his sobs filled the room, his cheeks stained with the endless stream of tears.

Callie rocksed him back and forth like she used to when he was younger. Shushing him quietly and rubbing his back in small circles. The sobs started to quiet down and all was left were small sniffles from the younger sibling.

"Judicorn" Callie called him by his childhood nickname. Jude pulled himself away, wiping his face with the palm of his hands. "I heard what happened." Callie rubbed her hand on his shoulder, still trying to comfort him. Jude looked at her, biting his lips to stop from more tears to follow.

"It hurts, Cal." Jude's voice wavered.

"Oh, _Jude_ "

"I love him."

"I know, I know you do." Callie's heart broke  hearing her brother sound so heartbroken. Jude has had a rough childhood in the foster care, and finally they found a family that wanted them and loved them for who they were. Jude had become more open about his feelings and he was much more social at school. Even though, he hasnt made a lot of close friends, Connor had been with him for the past five years. She knew that something was up between them. It was revealed when she accidentally caught them kissing in the den downstairs, a few months ago, they hadn't heard her come in the back door. Connor had been the first one to notice a third person in the room and pulled apart from Jude, in shock.

She had realized the situation right away and she didn't like it. But, she hadn't wanted to interfere. Jude was old enough to know what he wanted and she knew that he would make the best choice for himself. So, she pretended like nothing happened and went up to her room, to give them space. 

"It will take time, Jude."

"I don't want it to take time. I want Connor and I to be together for real. He's scared, Cal. That's why he left. I asked him to go to Prom with me. But, he doesn't want to. He wants me to go with Taylor and he, with Daria. I couldn't agree to it. It's like he's embarrassed of me, like he's ashamed." Jude's voice cracked at the end. "I don't want to be someone's secret, Callie"

"You don't have to be, Jude.," she said. "You can find someone that's okay with being open about your relationship."

"I know, I just-" he began.

"You just want Connor" she finished his sentence. Jude nodded. 

"If he's not ready to come out, then that's his decision. You don't have to follow his every decision. It's your senior year. Go to Prom with someone and have fun. When he's ready, you guys can talk. I know it hurts, Judicorn, I know. But, you have to live your life, don't be anchored down by someone who isn't ready to pull the anchor up and let the ship sail. Yeah?"

Jude remained silent, thinking about what his sister had just said. He agreed with her. It's his senior year, he should go to Prom, he should go with someone that wants to be there with him. He still felt the remains of heart ache, but he buried it away. "Yeah, you're right." Jude gave her a small smile.

"Aren't I always?" She joked.

Jude let out a small laugh, the ache lessening.

''You're going to be alright, Jude."

Jude reached out and hugged his sister tight. They haven't had a moment like this for such a long time, ever since Callie moved out. It was good to see her.

"Thanks, Cal"

"Always, Jude" She kissed his cheek. "Always."

He watched as she leaves the room, closing the door behind her. Jude fell back on his bed, his face toward the ceiling. He stared at the glow in the dark stars that he and Connor had stuck up when they were in seventh grade. The glow had faded by now, but he still kept them up there, because they remind him of Connor.

Jude shook his head.

He couldn't move on from Connor if everything that he saw reminded him of him. He looked at the clock. seven thirty. He suddenly felt very tired. He set his alarm clock for school the next morning and rolled over on his side. He didn't go to bed for a while, his mind replaying the events that had occurred only a few hours before.

After thirty minutes, his eyelids started to droop and he closed his eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

It's not enough that they broke up, but the fact that they are in the same pre-calc class is what makes Jude's heart ache. He walks into the classroom to see Connor sitting in his seat. There is an empty seat next to him, a seat that would usually have Jude occupying it. But not this time. Jude decides to sit in the front next to Taylor.

Connor's face crumbles, and Jude is hit with a wave of pain, his heart pumping loudly in his ear. He thought that could handle seeing Connor, but he was wrong. Jude faces forward and forces himself to listen to the lecture to drown out the voices in his head. He doesn't notice when Taylor nudges him in the arm.

She whispers, "Jude, are you okay? Why aren't you sitting with Connor?"

Jude bites his lip. Should he tell her? They aren't the closest of friends, but they used to be back in middle school. The funny thing is, Taylor used to have a crush on him. He didn't feel the same way and made sure she understood that. She took the hint and didn't make it into a big deal. They just remained mutual friends instead.

Jude catches her eye, trying to convey what he's feeling through them. He sighs under his breath,"can we meet after school? I really need someone to talk to."

Taylor raises one eyebrow in surprises but quickly recovers with a smile and nod. They don't talk for the rest of the hour.

Jude walks out onto the court yard where Taylor is sitting down waiting for him. Her smile is friendly and it calms him down a little bit. He sits down gingerly.

"So what's up?" Taylor turns to Jude and asks.

Jude can't seem to get the words out. He sits there silent, anxiously tapping his fingers on the table. Taylor waits patiently for Jude to answer her. He looks up at her, opens his mouth and then closes it.

"Jude-?"

''I'm gay!'' Jude blurts out.

Her eyes widen. Jude takes it as a bad sign and starts to get up. Taylor reaches out her hand and gently grabs onto his arm, pulling him back down. Jude's too weak and scared to back down, so he allows himself to lead.

''Taylor I-"

''It's okay, Jude," Taylor says. "I-I've kind of known for awhile now. Well, I more like suspected that maybe you didn't like girls."

"How did you know?" Jude voice wavers.

She shrugs slightly, a small smile appearing on her lips. "I've seen the way that you look at him," she says softly.

Jude's heart hitches a beat and he isn't sure if he should run or hide. She knew about Connor. If she knew, did that mean that everyone else could see it too? No. He shakes his head slightly. He and Connor made sure to be extra careful when they around each other, more so for Connor's sake than his. He finds his voice again.

"Was it that obvious?"

Taylor shakes her head. ''No. Don't worry, I'm just very observant. Also, It was more of a feeling I had, it's not like you guys were super obvious about it."

Jude's worry goes down, but only a little.

"Connor and I broke up. Well, we weren't really dating. I mean, we were together-uh, we were something," Jude winces.

Taylor frowns."Is that why you guys weren't sitting next to each other in class?" Jude nods.

''Is it because Connor didn't want to be out in public?" Taylor asks.

Jude looks down at his hands then over at her and nods sadly."I know that he's scared what his father might say and how they team will react, but it's also like he's embarrassed of me. You know?"

Jude rubs at the back of his hand, a feeling of malaise washes over him. Taylor puts her hand on his. She squeezes it gently and he lets out small breath. 

''You know that's not true, Jude. Con-Connor's crazy about you. He's just scared, Jude. He just needs space to figure out what he wants. Yeah?"

Jude looks at her. She's trying so hard to cheer him up. "Maybe. I-thanks Taylor, for this. I know we kinda lost touch after middle school, but I would really like to be friends again."

Her smile brightens her entire face."Jude, we were never not friends, silly." Taylor punches him playfully in the arm. He catches himself smiling. 

His phone rings in his pocket. He reaches for it. It's his mom. He looks over at Taylor, "Sorry, my mom's calling."

"It's all good. I have to get going anyway, work. We'll talk later, okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, of course. Thanks, Taylor...for listening."

''Don't mention it. Bye, Jude."

"Bye."

He watches her head to the student parking lot. His phone is still ringing. He swipes the answer button and holds it to his ear.''Hey, mom. What's up?"

''Jude, honey, how was your day?"

''U-uh. It was o-okay," He stutters.

''Are you okay? You sound off," Lena asks.

''I'm fine. I'm just tired, that's all." He hates lying to his mom, but he really didn't want her to worry about him.

"Okay, if you're sure. I was calling to ask you for a favor. Callie is having some of the girls from Girls United over for dinner tonight and I totally forgot to go grocery shopping. Could you possibly stop by Pizza Hut and grab a couple of pizzas? You can use the emergency credit card, I won't make you pay it back."

''Sure, no problem. How many should I get?" Jude grabs his book bag from the ground and sits it next to him.

''Uh...how about five? Sound good?" Jude heads to the parking lot.

''Yeah. I'll be home in a bit. I'll text you when I'm on my way."

''Thanks, Jude. Drive safely. I'll see you later. To the moon."

''And back." He hangs up the call. 

Jude arrives at his car, a used Honda Civic that he worked two summers to pay for. He gets in and heads to Pizza Hut. When he get there he notices that the parking lot is packed. He finds trouble locating a spot to park, he finds one as another car is leaving. He gets out of the car and his heart stops. He just parked next to Connor's truck. Connor is here.

Jude stomach sinks to his feet as he walks into the Pizza Hut. The sound of teenage boys fill the space. The whole baseball team is there. Jude forgot that Connor had a home game that afternoon, he had planned to go to cheer Connor on...before they broke up.

Jude hangs his head and walks to the counter. A couple of the boys are ordering more bread sticks and one of them notices him. Jake, one of midfielders.

"Yo, Jude. What's up man?!" Jake's stentorian voice carries across the restaurant, some of the other players look over at them. 

''Uh-um. Hi Jake. Nothing much, you?"

"Didn't see you in the stands today, you're always there to cheer Connor on," Jake has a look on his face that Jude can't quite decipher.

"I-uh-I had to makeup a test" He lies through his teeth. He's sure that Jake doesn't believe a word he just said to him, but he doesn't say anything. He simply nods and says,"that sucks, dude. Gotta get back to the boys, see ya around."

Jake walks back the table. Jude orders for the pizza and waits for them to come out of the oven. A few minutes later, the worker rings up the total price and he pays for the pizza. He turns around and almost collides with Connor, Jude loses his balance, the pizzas boxes sliding out of his hand.

Connor reaches out and steadies him, his hands on Jude's elbows. Jude shivers. Unable to look at him, Jude mutters a quiet "Thanks."

Connor hands linger for a few seconds and he pulls back.

"Jude," he says softly. Jude looks up. Connor continues, "I-"

But he doesn't get to finish what he's about to say. Jude quickly steps aside and walks out the door without looking back.

Jude's pounding heart in his chest is the only thing he hears. He walks quickly to his car, almost runs. He puts the pizzas in the back seat, closes the door and slides into the passenger seat. Jude just sits there alone, trying to calm is beating heart and slow his heavy breaths. He rests his head on the steering wheel. 

He grabs his phone and texts his mom that he's on his way. He starts the engine and heads home. He's greeted by a cheer of hungry girls, once he walks into the foyer. He drops off the pizzas in the kitchen and heads upstairs to take a much needed shower.

The first drop hits his skin. The warm droplets forms steam as Jude stands there without moving at all, the voices banging in his head.  _Pathetic.Weak._ _Embarrassment._ He turns off the water, gets out, and dries himself. He walks into his room and notices his cell phone is lit up from a notification. He checks it.  It's a voice mail from Connor.

He puts his phone down. _No_. He's not going to look at it. Jude decides to distract himself by reading a couple of pages from Crime and Punishment for his AP English class. Jude finds himself reading the same paragraph over and over again. He looks over at his phone. Against his better judgement, he reaches over and grabs it from his nigh stand.

Jude unlocks it and clicks on the voice mail. He listens as the female voice tells him that he has one unheard message. His breath halts when he hears Connor's voice.

 _"Jude?"_ There's apause _."I know I'm the last person you want to hear from right now, but, I need to talk to you. I-I'm...I miss you. Please, let me talk to you just this once, then you can never talk to me ever again, if that's what you want. I don't have practice tomorrow. Can you meet me at our spot, at the docks?"_ Another pause _. "I'll wait for you.Okay, bye."_  The message ends.

Jude replays the message over again several of times, just to hear Connor's voice. After the third time, he closes the voice mail and sits on the edge of his bed silently. He misses Connor. He misses him so much that it hurts. _Should he meet Connor?_ He sounded so desperate in the message, Jude had felt a small tinge of guilt. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crave You- Flight Facilities


	3. Chapter 3

Jude walks trudgedly through the crowded hallways like a zombie from the walking dead. He hadn't slept too well the night before, his dreams revolving around Connor; dreams where they were happily dancing the night away at prom, looking into each other's eyes and not caring not one bit who looked at them.He had wanted to stay in that dream forever, but he was woken up by his stupid alarm, telling him to get his ass to school.

He opens his locker to grab his calculus book. Closing the locker, he heads to the courtyard, it's usually empty and quiet in the morning, since a lot of the students are in the lobby. He walks outside and stops in his tracks.

A few tables in front of him, is Connor hunched over reading from the same textbook that Jude's holding in his hand. Connor doesn't realize another presence, so it allows Jude to just look.

Jude notices the way that Connor's brows are scrunched in concentration and he's worrying at his bottom lip. After a few agonizing seconds, Connor looks up from his work and locks eyes with Jude. His face seems to visibly relax and a small smile appears on his lip briefly, and then it turns sad.

Jude closes his eyes for a moment, doing his best to hide the wave of emotions trying to overwhelm him.  _Breathe._ Jude opens his eyes and there Connor is, standing only a few feet in front of him. Jude doesn't move.

"Jude"

"Connor"

Awkward silence.

"I know you didn't come here to talk to me, but, do you want to now?"

In his head, Jude wants to say _no, I'm not ready. I can't handle it. I'll break_. But, instead of turning around and walking away, he shuts away those nagging thoughts out and nods slightly.

Connor swallows hard.

They walk back to the table that Connor had been sitting. Jude sits down opposite from Connor. Jude can't look at the other boy across from him, the boy who's eyes always seem to convey every emotion he's feeling. He lowers his head and stares blankly at his fingers, today painted in blue nail polish. He feels like screaming and tearing and pushing but he forces himself to sit still.

"Don't shut me out, Jude," Connor says softly. Jude raises his head. Jude is looking at him, soft and sad and all Connor wants to do, is to reach over and hold him. _This is his fault_. He wants nothing more than to tell the whole world that Jude's his. To tell the team and his dad, but he's so fucking scared. He's scared, but he's more scared of losing Jude forever.

Connor reaches out for Jude's hand but drops his hand again immediately when Jude tenses and inches away. He clears his throat.

"I-I've missed you," he says, voice wavering. He clears his throat again, to cover it up. Connor tries to catch Jude's eye, but Jude's vision is focused behind him, unwavering.

"No." Is all that comes from Jude. He's now looking at Connor, square in the eyes. His dark brown eyes filled with fire and his jaw tense. 

"Jude, please, let me ex-"

"You said you wouldn't hurt me," Jude's voice is quiet. He turns his face to the side. "We were together for two yea-," he pauses, shaking his head.

"Jude-"

 _"What_ ," Jude snaps and turns his face to Connor. "What do you want, Connor?"

"I-" Connor swallows and moves his jaw side to side, a bad habit of his that Jude always points out, "I want to talk to you. Explain."

"Explain what, exactly?" _Silence_. "Are you going to come out to your dad? Tell the team? Are you actually, going to be fucking true to yourself and stop hiding behind walls that don't need to be up?"

Connor actually flinches from Jude's outburst. Jude squeezes his eyes shut tightly for a second and shakes his head again.

"I love you so much," Jude says.

Connor looks up in surprise. "But I can't be with someone who's ashamed of who they are" Jude pauses-"who they're with."

Connor's heart staggers. 

"No-god, no. Jude, I'm not ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you." Connor watches as the other boy closes off and shrinks back. He gets up from his seat and walks to the opposite side, sits down next to Jude, his back facing the table.

Connor notices something at the corner of his eyes. Blue. _Their_ blue. Jude's long fingers displayed blue nail polish on his nails.

"Jude, yo-your nails," Connor says without taking his eyes off of them. Jude mutters something under his breath.

"Jude."

Jude can feel the warm breaths coming from Connor, on his neck. It sends shivers up his spine.

"Look at me," Connor leans over to the side slightly. So close that he can smell the shampoo that Jude always uses.

"No." Jude says, shaking his head.

" _Look at me_ ," this time Connor says it more forcefully.

Jude turns his head to face Connor. Their faces inches apart. Connor inches closer, but instead of lowering to Jude's lips, he focuses on a more sensitive spot. The one place that he knows will cause Jude to unwind.

Connor gently kisses Jude's neck, just below the line where his hairline starts. Running his tongue over Jude's skin lightly, he can feel a deep shiver running through all of Jude's body.

"I'm sorry. Please, forgive me." He nuzzles Jude's hair and moves down to nose at his throat. Jude shakes his head, but grabs onto Connor's arms, in betrayal.

Jude lets out a quiet moan as Connor bites down into his neck. Jude tightens his hold. He knows that he should tell Connor to stop. That this wasn't going to make him forgive him- that it wasn't going to fix anything. But, he couldn't stop himself from holding on tight and riding the wave to shore.

Connor removes himself from Jude's neck, quietly smiling at the violently visible hickey appearing on the other boys' neck. He turns his attention to Jude's lips, red from Jude biting them. He gently turns Jude's jaw toward him and captures Jude's mouth in a slow, bittersweet kiss.

Connor can actually hear how hard Jude's heart is pounding, because his is in the same rhythm. It's the sound of one single sob, that causes Connor to pull back, slightly. Jude was crying, tears running down his cheeks. 

"More," Jude says.

"Jude, you're crying."

Jude shakes his head, stubbornly,''Connor, _please._ "

After searching Jude's face, Connor squeezes his eyes shut and holds his breath. He nods once and closes the gap, again.

This time, there seems to be something more. Connor kisses Jude, quick and desperate, like Jude is something he needs to live; and Jude's kissing him back, crazy with the ache of love for him. Connor is touching his face, feeling the angles of his face, the wetness of his tears, feeling the tremors passing though his body, hearing Jude's ragged breaths.

"Ho-ly shit," says an all-too-familiar voice from behind them, and Jude thinks his face face has totally drained of feeling: because Jake is standing next to the door in the courtyard with his mouth wide open in surprise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Waters- Perfume Genius


	4. Chapter 4

Jude and Connor pull apart as if they were electrocuted. Connor steps towards Jake with cautious steps. Jake is still looking between the two of them.

"Jake. Can we talk in private?" Connor asks in a pleading voice. Jude watches as Connor walks closer to Jake and they exchange a couple of quiet words, Jake looking over at Jude with a weird expression, the same one he had when they ran into each other at Pizza Hut.

Jake turns around and walks back into the school, Connor turns around and mouths "hold on."'

Jude nods slightly, biting his lip with worry. He paces back and fourth in the courtyard, rubbing his face with his hands. He jumps when the sound of the morning bell, pierces through his thoughts.

He gathers his bag and Connor's books and enters the school to find Connor. The flow of students crowd the hallway and Jude's worry increases when he doesn't catch sight of Connor or Jake. He walks into the bathroom down the hall and begins to open the door, when he hears quiet voices-jake's and Connor's.

"What the hell, man?'' Jude hears Jake say.

"Don't tell anyone, god help me, Ja-"

"Chill. I don't give two flying monkeys who you put your dick inside of"

Jude feels his face go warm. 

"What are you going to do?", Jake asks Connor. 

"Forget it happened," Connor replies. None of them are observant that Jude is standing behind the door, with it cracked open.

"Dude, you boned Daria!" 

Jude's breath hitches.

"Jake! lower your fucking voice," Connor hisses at him.

"Well you did."

"I know. I-just. I don't know. I was lonely and she was there..."

"Well, are you going to tell him?," Jake asks.

"I-"

Jude backs away from the door, causing it to close shut.

"Shit. Did someone hear us?" Jude hears one of them say. He can't breath. His hands are clamming up, shaking dangerously. His feet refuse to move another foot and people are staring at him. He drops Connor's bag on the floor.  _He slept with her. Connor slept with Daria_. 

The bathroom door opens and Jude is faced with a shocked Connor.

"Jude."

Jude is silent. His eyes boring into Connor's. It's like he doesn't know who the person in front of him is anymore.

''Did y-",Connor starts.

"Yes"

Connor reaches out for him, and Jude pulls back and says,"don't fucking touch me."

"Jude, please. Let me explain."

"You slept with her."

"It didn't-", Connor stammers.

"You lied to me. Yo-you lied to me," Jude barks,  and Connor takes a step back. Their scene is attracting the attention of the rest of the students in the hallway. Jude ignores them, he doesn't care anymore what people will know. He's gay and he's proud of who he is.

"I'm sorry, Jude. I'm so sorr-"

"Sorry doesn't mean anything anymore." Jude says.

"I-I love you."

"Do you?" Jude asks. He gets into Connor's face and crowds him until Connor's back hits the door. Jude's face is blank with emotion.

"Don't ever come near me again," he says darkly. Jude then turns around and walks out of the school.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.
> 
> Music:  
> How Did You Get So Far Away- Night Beds


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude's world is crashing like a tidal wave

You know when you've finally hit your lowest point and you can't get back up? That's what Jude  felt the next day. He walked out of school and didn't look back. He texted his moms that he wasn't feeling well and just decided to head home, he would deal with the consequences when they got home.

When he had walked out of the school, all he heard around him were whispers and giggles. None of it mattered anymore, because he had just gotten his heart broken-and he wasn't sure it could ever be mended.

Jude's phone continued to buzz the next day. Texts from Taylor, Callie, and Connor filled his inbox, and he ignored ever single one of them. He just wanted to be alone...just alone. A knock at his door jolts him from his thoughts. He calls out hoarsely for the person to come in. Taylor walks into the room.

"Callie let me in. I called you a million times, but I guess you knew that." Jude stays silent.

"Oh, Jude" Taylor takes long strides to where Jude is sitting on his bed and wraps her lithe arms around him. Jude rests his head on her shoulder.

"He said he loved me," Jude mumbled into her shoulder. Taylor doesn't say anything. "If he loved me, wh-why did he sleep with her? I-I don't get it, was I not enough for him? Did he want her all along, and I was for practice?"

"Jude, stop. Don't do this to yourself," Taylor pulls back to look Jude in the eye. "You are not worthless or pathetic, you are kind and amazing and strong. Whatever he did, was not your fault. He made that decision on his own. God, I-just can't believe he slept with her. Last time I checked, Daria was getting into Matt, on the swim team.She's-"

Jude whimpers softly.

"I'm sorry, I just got carried away. I know you don't want to hear about Daria." Taylor apologizes.

Jude's phone buzzes next to them on the bedside table.

"Connor?" She asks. Jude nods.

"You don't have to talk to him. You don't owe him anything."

"I know. I-just...shit"

"You still love him?"

"I don't think I can ever stop. I think that's what hurts the most."

The phone buzzes again, but this time it's a call from his mom, Stef. Jude reaches for the phone and answers it.

"Hey, mom."

"Jude? Honey? Where are you? Are you okay?" Jude can hear a lot of noise in the call background, police sirens.

"I'm at home. Mom, is everything okay?" 

There is no reply on the other end.

"Mom!" Jude is beginning to get worried. He turns to Taylor, she's looking through her phone.

"There was an accident," Stef finally replies.

"Accident? Where?" Jude asks.

"Near the school."

"Oh my god," Taylor gasps as she looks up from her phone, her brown eyes wide as saucers.

"Jude, honey, Connor was in the accident. He was driving under the influence a-and he ran through a stop sign-" _No._

"He was hit by a truck."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
> Music:  
> Soon Enough- City and Colour


	6. Chapter 6

He never thought he'd be walking through these white halls again, but this time he's running.

After his mom told him what happened, Taylor started to cry when she had showed him a snapshot of the accident, someone had posted on their snapchat story. It looked bad, so bad. Connor's truck was absolutely crushed, the passenger side completely dented in.

That's when he knew, that's when he knew that this was serious. He and Taylor had grabbed their phones and Jude his keys, and headed out to the hospital.

The drive was quiet. Neither of them had much to say, the situation had drained all life from the both of them. They passed the accident site, there were still a lot of people on the side of the road taking pictures and pointing at the crash.

Connor's truck was still there. Jude had winced at the sight of the blood on the road and the windshield. 

Police officers were directing traffic around the accident and advising people to take a detour into town.

Jude turned the corner to the hospital. He glanced at Taylor at the corner of his eye. Her face was sickly pale, and he could tell that she was shaken up. Jude knew that she hadn't had a good record with hospitals, ever since her mom spent the last 3 years of her life in cancer treatment.

Jude had reached his hand over and gently grabbed her hand, to reassure her. She had squeezed gently the whole ride, she didn't let go until he parked his car into the hospital's parking lot, near the entrance. 

Now here they were, both trying to find any news about Connor. The lady at the front desk told them that all ER patients were on the 2nd floor and soon as they heard that, they ran to the nearest elevator.

As Jude continued down the hallway, the sounds of doctors, nurses, and hospital machines, buzzed through his head, and all he could think about was Connor.

Jude spotted his mother down the hall talking to Mr.Stevens. Jude had never been a fan of Connor's dad ever since they first met and especially since he had tried to break up their friendship. After that tense time in middle school, Jude had been somewhat friendly to him, but always watchful and mindful of the older man. But, seeing Mr. Stevens at that moment, with his face drawn and his hair a wild mess, eyes bloodshot from what Jude expects, crying, his heart breaks for him.

His mom notices him and Taylor as they come closer. 

"Jude, honey."

Stef Foster reaches out her arms and he walks right into them. She hugs in him tightly, the same way she always did. They let go of each other after a few seconds.

He turns to Connor's dad.

"Mr. Stevens, I-I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You weren't the one drinking and driving," the older man says harshly.

"I know, I just-Connor, is he going to be okay?" Jude asks, his voice wavering.

Mr. Stevens harsh face shuts down and he runs a hand through his already mess hair.

"He has been surgery for the past 30 minutes. When they brought him in, he had two cracked ribs, a fractured spine, and a severe head trauma. They said that it was miracle that he was even still breathing."

Jude stood there like a statue, like a monument frozen for eternity. The fear he felt was a being in itself because it wasn't just in him it was all around him. Connor could have died today, he almost did.

Everything that has happened the past three weeks seems like a distant memory that Jude wanted to tear apart and throw away in a burning furnace.

Stef's police walkie-talkie filled the quiet hallway, she excused herself while talking into it, leaving Taylor and Jude with Connor's dad. The atmosphere was tense and unnerving.

Jude watched as Mr. Stevens paced back fourth down the hospital walkway, ever so often punching a wall in frustration. Every time he did so, Taylor would jump. Jude wanted to tell him that maybe this wasn't the best time for him to get angry and that his son was going to alright.

Jude realized that those reassuring words weren't for Connor's dad, but for himself. He has been trying to calm himself down by telling himself that everything was going to okay, that Connor would come out with that lopsided smile that he always wore after a tumble off his skateboard or a messy slide on the baseball field. 

Jude smiled sadly from the memories. If there was anything that he knew about Connor, it was that he never gave up, he always keeps trying, keeps fighting. Time goes by slowly as the three of them wait for news.

Stef came back to let Jude know that she was needed at the station to deal with a case, and that she would try to be back to check up on how things are going. She had placed a gently kiss on his cheek and mummered in his ear that everything was going to be alright, that Connor was going to by fine. Jude really wanted to believe her, but he was losing faith after each minute passed.

Taylor left a little after his mom had, saying that she had to go to work. Jude thinks that she really wanted to get out of the hospital because it reminded her so much of her mother, but she had stayed for him and Jude is thankful for that.

He hugs her goodbye and tells her to drive safely. She tells him to call or text if anything new comes up about Connor's condition, Jude promised that he would. Now, it was left with Jude and Mr. Stevens, both sat on separate hospital benches, facing each other.

Jude found it hard to look at the man across him. It was like there was a whole different world between them. The world that Jude knew, and the world that Mr. Stevens knew. Mr. Stevens had no idea that he and Connor had been together, that Jude loved his son. And Jude wished that he did, that maybe, they could bond over their love for Connor, that maybe that could go through this together.

Jude shook his head.

He could never do that Connor. He could never go behind his back and tell Connor's father about his son. As much as he wanted Connor to be comfortable with his sexuality, that was something that Connor would have to on his own, and Jude had to accept that.

Three hours had passed since Jude had arrived in the hospital. Mr. Stevens got up and walked away without a word. Ten minutes passed and Jude thought that he had left for good, but a few minutes later, he appeared with two sodas and two bags of chips.

Mr. Stevens handed him a bag and soda without a word and sat down on his separate bench. Jude gazed at the food in his hand in surprise and back at the hunched over man, opening a can of soda, across from him. 

"Thank you," Jude said, his voice echoing in the empty hallway.

Connor's dad looks up from his sip of soda and nods slightly at him. That was better than nothing, Jude thought to himself. He opened his own soda and took a long sip.

Suddenly, the hospital door opened and they both stand up. The doctor walks over to Mr. Stevens. They talked in hush tones and in that moment, Jude wished that he had superhero hearing. After a few minutes, the two men pulled apart and Connor's dad shook the doctor's hand.

The doctor ushered Mr.Stevens inside the room, leaving Jude standing alone in the hallway. _  
_

Jude sat back down with a sigh. He didn't have any appetite anymore, so he pushed the bag of chips and soda to the side.

Sitting there was the most agonizing moments of his life. Knowing that Connor was on the other side of the door, knowing that he was so close but also so far away. 

Finally, the hospital door opened for the second time and this time, it's Connor's father. 

"Is he okay? can I see him?," Jude asks.

Mr. Stevens let out a sigh, "he's going to fine."

Relief washed over Jude and he muttered a small 'thank you' to that all knowing being upstairs.

"He's very bruised up, but the surgery went well. He's been out of surgery for the past two hours, but they wanted him to completely still, that's why they didn't come out until now. He's awake now. You can go see him now."

Mr. Stevens turned around and Jude followed him into the hospital room. The room had a low light on, Jude noticed the IV connected to Connor. He winced. There was an electronic machine sitting on a cart with odd wires leading from it, and a curtain hanging from a track on the ceiling.

Jude's eyes landed on Connor. He looked so pale, a stark difference from his usual year round tan. His eyes were closed and his chest moved up and down in a small rhythm.

The doctor came back in and walked to Connor's bedside, tinkering around with some of the fluids and machine operations. After checking all of that, he gently shook Connor awake. 

Jude wanted to tell the doctor that he should leave Connor to rest, but then the doctor turned to them.

"It's not good for him to sleep so much, especially after his head trauma," he said.

Jude looked at the doctor.

"Head trauma? I-I-s it serious?," Jude asked him.

"Well, that's what we though it might be. We took a brain scan after the surgery, and discovered that there was a slight dent in his brain's hippocampus. There are many parts of the brain that deal with memory because it is processed in multiple areas. The hippocampus, however, plays a pivotal role in long term memory."

"So what does that mean?" Jude learned about the parts of the brain from his AP Biology class the previous year, but that didn't mean he totally understood everything the doctor was saying.

"We were worried that Connor could have severe amnesia. When he woke up, we gave him procedure tests and he passed them all. He knew his name, age, and he recognized his father when he came in. The only thing that was blurry in his memory was the accident, which would be understandable, due to him being intoxicated prior to it."

 Jude let a relief breath. _Good_. _Connor was going to be alright_.

The doctor continued, "we think that Connor will make a speedy recovery, he seems to be quite a fighter."

"He is." Jude whispered to himself.

A small throaty cough came from the bed. Connor was awake. The doctor reached out and grabbed the water with a straw sitting on the bedside table and raised it to Connor's dry lips.

They watched as Connor took small staggered sips from the water. He let out a small sigh. His lips looked less dry, as he licked them with his lips.

Connor's dad walked over to the head of the bed and pushed back Connor's hair from his face. Connor looked up at his dad with a small smile. Jude's heart ached. He hadn't seen the two of them like this before. And it broke his heart to know that, it was only because of **this** unfortunate circumstance.

Jude was watching the interaction between father and son with a sad smile and it wasn't until Connor's dad turned to look at Jude that Connor noticed him standing there.

"Hi," Jude said, shyly.

"Uh...hi?," Connor replied.

 Jude looked up at Mr. Stevens.

 "Connor. This is Jude Foster." 

Connor scrunches his face in confusion. "Okay...I don't know why he's here, though."

 Jude's heart stopped. _What? I'm your boyfriend...or was your boyfriend. Of course I'd be here._

"I'm your best friend, Con," Jude said quietly. Connor snorted.

Jude's stomach twisted. 

"I'm pretty sure I'd know if we were best friends. We've never even talked before."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I'm finally out of high school and summer has officially begun. Thank you guys for being patient. Hope this chapter lives up to the long wait. I'll try to update 1 a week or every other week. Jonnor is closer than we know it!!
> 
> Music:  
> I Could Live With Dying Tonight- Emma-Lee


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait. Kinda had a writers lump and lost connection on how I wanted this story to go. So...I'm just going to go with the flow and see how things go. Thank you for all the lovely comments from previous chapters. I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer. Season 3 of Jonnor is giving me so little but so many feels.

Jude stands stiffly as the room seems to close in around him. Connor remembers everything. He remembers everything except Jude. Jude looks up at Mr. Stevens and for the first time he sees sympathy in the older man's eyes. The room feels tense, hot and tense. He has to get out there. He excuses himself and walks out the hospital room into the brightly lit hallway.

_We've never even talked before._

Jude rests his forehead on the cool wall, forcing himself to take deep breaths. Connor doesn't remember him. When Connor's eyes had landed on him, there was no spark, no emotion, just confusion, and that was what broke him.

The past two years they were together were wiped away, washed away like footprints in the sand. He hears the door behind him open, but he doesn't turn around. The tears threaten to start to fall.

"Jude. I-uh, sorry about this. I know how close you guys were."

Jude turns  to Connor's father. He could tell that Mr. Stevens was uncomfortable in the situation by the way his eyes looked every but Jude's. A few agonizing moments passed and Jude knew that there was nothing left to say. Maybe this for the best. Maybe this was a sign that Connor was better off without him, after all, Jude was the only memory that Connor's mind cleared. 

"I think it's probably best that I stay a-way from Connor."

Adam doesn't say anything, just simply nods his head. Jude feels his legs move on their own accord, taking him out of the hospital, into the parking lot, and lastly into his car.

The ride home is the longest ten minutes of his life. 

Jude walks into the house and is greeted by his Mamma and Mariana. He hugs Mamma Stef as tightly as humanly possible. She always gives the best hugs. He tells them. He tells them everything. Their relationship, the breakup, and the aftermath. His hands are shaking and he can't stop crying. He can't look up, because, he knows what their faces will be. _Pity_.

"Jude, love. We're so sorry. Mom and I, we knew. We knew about you and Connor," Stef says gently.

Jude looks up, surprised.

"We wanted you and Connor to be comfortable with yourselves and to tell us when you were both ready, that's why we didn't ask."

''Well, I guess that's not going to happen anymore," Jude says bitterly.

"He'll remember. How could he not?"

Jude smiled sadly. He knew that his Mamma was trying to hopeful, but he knew that hopeful wasn't enough anymore. Connor was gone and Jude wasn't going to have him back.

He said goodnight to them and walked up the steps to his room. Jesus must have stayed at a friends house, because the shared room was empty.

He falls onto his bed with a sigh, his face towards the ceiling. He could make out the faint glow of the glow-in-the-dark constellations that he and Connor had stuck onto his wall the summer before sophomore year. He closes his eyes. He needed to stop. He needed to stop thinking about him.

Somehow he manages to get up and take a quick shower before heading to bed. He has school the next day and he needed to make a good impression since he skipped the last two days.

Connor won't be back for awhile and that would help him forget. Help him slowly pretend that he and Connor never knew each other, never lov-

Jude's phone buzzes on his night stand. He reaches over and grabs it. A text. A text from _Connor_.

 From Con: _Hey. This is Connor. I'm sorry if I upset you before. My dad told me that we were really good friends before the accident. I'm sorry, I don't remember. I know you are probably hurting more than I am. I'm really sorry about this. I won't be back in school for a couple of weeks. I know this a lot to ask, but could you bring me school work and maybe help me with my homework while I'm out? I know this is a lot to ask. I'll understand if you don't want to. Let me know if you can. I'm sorry, again._

Jude reads the text over and over again. He knows that he should stay away. Connor forgot him for a reason and this is how it should be. But, he's selfish. He's _so_ damn selfish. 

Jude presses reply.

To Con: _Yes. I'll do it._

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Jude rings the doorbell, books in hand and a heart pounding in his chest. His foot taps a nervous rhythm on the stone step and he wants to turn around and get back into his car and never come back. But, he said he would help. He needs to do this. Needs to do this for Connor, after everything, he needs to do it for him. The door opens after a couple of minutes. Connor is standing in front of him, messy hair and a lazy smile, his crutches under his armpits helping him balance. 

''Hey," Connor says.

"Hey," Jude replies with a small wince. If only Connor knew how much this exchange meant to the both of them. He shakes his head and looks up with a forced smile.

Connor continues to stand there, his hands awkwardly taping on the side of the door. The moment stretches longer than it should.

"Uh...so, are you going to let me in?"

"What? Oh, shit, sorry." Connor widens the door with a small blush on his face and lets Jude in. Jude walks gingerly into the house. The last time he's been here, he and Connor had, well, done something more than kissing. 

"I thought that we could study in my room, it would be a little bit more comfortable for my foot.'' Connor turns to him.

Jude freezes.

"Your room?," he stutters, suddenly breathless

"Yeah...is that okay?" Connor asked.

 _No_. "Sure, yeah, that's fine." Jude lies.

"Okay, let me show you the wa-wait, you probably know where it is already, huh?"

Jude nods. ''I-I used to come over here a lot...before the accident."

"Right, duh, of course. We were best friends." Connor takes his crutches and positions them in away that helps him go up the stairs without using both of them as he grabs the railing to support him. Jude follows two steps behind. 

Jude walks ahead of Connor as they near Connor's room, to open the door for him.

"Thanks, dude." Connor wobbles in.

Jude pauses before entering the room. He's hit with everything. The dark blue walls, the baseball posters on the wall, to the medals and trophies on the shelves, everything looked the same. After taking a deep breath, he takes a couple steps into Connor's room.

Connor has already sat himself on his bed, his injured leg stretched out. Jude feels awkward standing in the middle of the room. He isn't sure if he should sit on the floor or on the bed next to Connor. He doesn't know if he can handle being that close to Connor. He tightens his hold on his book bag strap.

"You can sit on the bed, next to me. I think it would be easier than sitting on the floor or chair," Connor suggests.

Jude puts his bag down and takes out some paper, pencils, and a calculator. He nervously climbs onto the bed, careful to not to come into contact with Connor. Connor has positioned his himself where his back is leaning against the wall not facing his bed. So Jude does the same, but instead of his legs stretched out, he places them into Indian style.

"So, I think we should start with the harder stuff first." Jude picks up his Calculus book and opens it to the pages that their teacher, Mr.Simpson assigned for Connor. 

"Okay, sounds good."

They spend about thirty minutes on the work. Connor catches on to a lot of the concepts quickly and they manage to finish eighty percent of the math portion of his math make-up work. 

''Can we take a break? I really need to stretch my legs."

"Yeah, sure." Jude scoots out of the way so that Connor can swing his legs to side to grab his crutches. Jude observes as Connor struggles to pull his weight to the side of the bed.

"D-do you need some hel-"

"No," Connor replies curtly. After a couple of minutes, Connor manages to pull himself up with a small grunt, his breathing heavier than before. 

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just, I just like to do things on my own."

He forces a small smile. "I know."

"Right."

They stare at each other for another second, and Jude is flooded with thoughts of them together in the bedroom, kissing, touching each other, and he can’t handle it, shuddering as he tries to throw the images from his mind.

"Jude?" Jude looks up. "Can I ask you a question?," Connor asks.

Jude bites his lip, he hesitates. "Yeah," he says softly.

"Do you know what happened?" Connor says slowly, a nervous smile on his face. Jude stiffens a little.

"Before the accident, I mean. I must have been really messed up to drink and drive, a-nd I'm not that kind of person to do something like that. I mean, shit, I could have killed someone." Connor turns his face away from him. Jude notices the way that Connor's clenching his crutches, his knuckles turning white.

"I..." He chokes out, a lump forming in the back of his throat. He could tell Connor. He could tell him everything. But, then he'd have to tell him that he was the reason that Connor got drunk. He was the reason that Connor couldn't remember small things. It was all his fault.

He shakes his head. "I don't know," he finally says. Another lie.

Connor nods sadly. "Okay. I guess it doesn't matter anymore"

"Yeah," Jude confirms. After a heartbeat he adds, "It's all in the past."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 4th of July to my American readers! Sorry, for the long wait. I've been way busy this summer and will be traveling to Africa in two days. So, I'll try to write on the plane ride and layovers but I can't promise anything! Leave comments, guys. I love seeing your thoughts and suggestions. They make writing this story worth it.


	9. Chapter 9

Connor sits stiffly on the couch in the living room, watching a bad realty show on his tv.  Jude had left fifteen minutes ago, promising to come back next week to help him with his other subjects. Jude had really helped him, he had talked to Connor in a quiet soothing voice, and always explained things over even when Connor should have been listening the first time.

He liked Jude. Well, he was sure that the old him, had liked Jude too. That's what he's calling himself from before the accident. The old Connor. Even though he remembers mostly everything about himself, the small things that he doesn't remember, feel as if he has lost half his identity.

A couple of the guys on the baseball team had come to visit him the first week he was in the hospital. They all had walked in awkwardly and unsure on how to treat him. Luckily, he remembered all their names and faces.

Jake was one of the last people to visit. He and Jake go way back. All the way back to kindergarten. Their mothers were best friends in high school and their fathers both played on the same baseball team in college. So in a way, Jake was closer to family than just being his long time friend. The day Jake came in, he had just finished up his check up and was a little bit high from the pain medicine his nurse had given him. Jake strolled in with a big smile and a hug. 

They talked a little about school and such, avoiding the accident all together. Connor had to interrupt him a couple of times to get clarification about people that Jake had referred to in the conversation.

 _"So, has Jude been here yet?"_ Jake had asked.

_"Yeah. He was here. When I woke up I didn't recognize him."_

_"Like he looked different?"_ Jake had replied.

 _"No. Like I didn't know him. I mean, my dad told me we were best friends. I thought you and I were best friends?"_ Connor had asked.

Jake had looked at him with his brows drawn together and he bit his lower lip and Connor wasn't sure if he wanted to ask or not. 

_"Well yeah. We are good friends. But, when Jude came to our middle school in 6th grade, you guys became friends. I mean, we still hung out and stuff but you guys were stuck together like glue. You guys did everything together. You guys went on camping trips together and with his moms."_

_"Moms? As in plural?"_ Connor had raised a quizzical eyebrow.

_"Yeah. His parents are lesbians. One of his moms' is a police officer and the other is the principal at our school."_

Connor couldn't believe that he hadn't remembered that. He guessed that everything that had to do with Jude was lost from his memory completely, eve the smallest of things.

 _"Is he?"_ Connor had tentatively asked.

 _"Gay?"_ Jake had clarified.

_"Yeah. I think so."_

_"Oh, okay."_ Connor had felt a stirring in his stomach when Jake had said that. He had lied. He did know Jude. When he first laid eyes on Jude in the hospital, their eyes had met, and a small tingling sensation arose in his heart.

His mind didn't know Jude, but apparently his heart did. That's why he had texted Jude for help. He wanted to know if what he felt was real or maybe it was a mix-up of emotions that the accident had left him. 

When he had opened the door earlier that day, Connor had felt his heart running a million second race. His hands had begun to sweat and for some reason he had been at lose of words. There was no doubt that Jude was attractive. From his shiny brown hair that curled a little at the edges, to his olive skin that reminded him of marble, high cheekbones, and plump red lips. It was safe to say that Jude was definitely attractive. 

It was  his eyes, however, that drew Connor in. Jude's eyes were small but had the most beautiful colour he had ever seen in his life. Darker and more intense then the bottom of the sea, a fierce dusky brown with subtle golden flecks towards the center. They were enough to pull him in and all Connor could do was drown in them. 

He could feel his face warm up from the image. Had the old Connor felt the same pull that he was feeling towards Jude? Connor had thought maybe something from when he had asked Jude to sit next to him on the bed, had triggered the question.

Jude had looked back up at him where a gentle flush of pink had arisen in his cheeks that made him look vulnerable and sweet. Connor figured that Jude had just been shy and that that was just his character, or maybe-

 _God_. He was looking way into this. Jude was the old Connor's friend and maybe could be the new Connor's friend. He'd been nice enough to take time out of his day to spend a couple of hours with Connor to help him catch up. Jude was just being a good person. 

* * *

 

The cold onshore breeze blew right through Jude's sweater and he bowed his head to one side, closing lashes weighed down with un-shed tears to keep out the salty sting. The dampness of the sand was making its way though his jeans and he hugs his knees close. His hair fell loose about his face, tousled, tangled. Under the fading sun it appeared black, the chestnut brown lost to the night.

He could hear the waves lapping like the ticking of a more leisurely clock, but never telling him the time, never demanding that he move on. He needed to move on. He keeps telling himself that, but here he is-at their spot.

When more light came from the moon than the sun he stood and walked over the cool black sand to the inky water, letting it kiss his toes through his socks. He could hear the palm trees waving along the wind as if whispering to each other in a hush. It is moments like this, that he wished that he could share with Connor. 

Before the accident, they would come out here after curfew and just sit and watch the waves. One of them would usually bring a blanket and they would wrap themselves with it and lean on each other, once in a while stealing longing kisses. 

He presses his lips together, hoping that he could still feel the almost forgotten touch of Connor's lips. 

A single tear slides down from his warm, eyes, followed by another one, and another one, until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed it's way down his cheek, releasing the sadness and sorrow that has been held inside of him for all this time.

The sobs were stifled at first as he attempts to hide his grief, then overcome by the wave of his emotions he breaks down entirely, all his defenses wash away in those salty tears. Breathy gasps reverberated through the beach. He was alone, scared and devastated. His heart felt butchered, his love taken away bit by bit.

"Jude?" He turns his head.

Connor is slowly making his way towards Jude. The sand on the beach making it hard for him to use his crutches properly. Jude quickly wipes away his tear stained face with the sleeve of his sweater. He knows his face is puffy and red, he can just feel it. He turns his face away from Connor's advancing figure. 

"Jude, hey. What are you doing here by yourself." Connor asks.

Jude tries to hone in the tears. He forces his face muscles to mask his face into a pleasant smile. He turns to Connor. "I like to be out here when the sun sets," he lies.

Connor tilts his head a little to the side, his nose scrunched up, eyebrows knitted close together in thought, frowning, staring wordlessly at him. Jude ducks his head nervously.

"Is there something wrong?"

Jude hands clench. He doesn't say anything. He hears a sigh from the other boy.

"Jude. I'm really trying here. I know you probably feel like crap that I don't remember you. Believe me, I do too. I want us to be friends. I know the old Connor became friends with you for a reason, and the Connor now, is willing to become friends with you again."

"No." Jude shakes his head.

"What." Connor replies. Jude takes a small peak at Connor then back at his feet buried in the sand. Jude lets out a small breath and turns around to look at the brown pair of eyes staring at him.

"I don't want to be friends."

"I don't understand."

"You were right. The old Connor and I were friends. But, you're not the old Connor anymore. I've accepted that, and I'm ready to move on. I have to focus on college applications and school. I felt bad for you, that's why I agreed to help you catch up. That doesn't mean I want to be friends with you. It's too hard." Jude feels his heart breaking in two with every word he says. 

"Jude..."

"It doesn't even matter, right? You don't even remember me. But, I remember you. I remember every single year since 6th grade. I can't just erase all those years to start over just for you. You may never get your memories back. It would feel like living lie. I...I'm sorry. I just can't do this, not after what happened."

"What happened?" Connor hops closer to Jude. Jude takes a step back, but realizes he's still next to the shore. He stops where he's at.

"What do you mean what happened?"

"I mean, what happened between us." Connor's mouth clenches slightly and his eyes are set on Jude's-unwavering.

"Connor...nothing hap-"

"Stop it. Stop lying to me." His face glazes for a split-second and then he frowns, his lips pursed together and his eyes unblinking, at that moment, if his eyes were a weapon, the piercing look in then could have caused serious destruction.

"I'm not lying to you." They stare back at each other for what seems like hours until he finally drops his gaze.

"Okay. I guess I'll leave you then." Jude winces at the sound of Connor's voice. Jude waits for Connor to turn around and go, but he continues to stay where he is. Jude lowers his head. Maybe Connor will leave if he ignored him. 

"Jude," Connor says softly. Jude looks up. Connor's close enough that, Jude can lean up and kiss him. 

"And there’s one more thing,” Connor's voice was quieter now, less sure.  

He holds his breath as Connor leans down tentatively and presses soft lips to his. Jude's head goes hazy; his body becomes stagnant at the sensation of Connor's lips against his.His mouth is so warm, the caress of his lips softer than he could have imagined.

He opens his mouth with a low moan. Just as he's going to lose myself in this moment, Connor retreats. He instantly misses the lovely heat curling within him.

His eyes open to find Connor staring at him, his mouth staggering open. A languishing silence swirls between and Jude can feel his feet turn cold. He shivers slightly.

"We've kissed before" Connor says.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The day before I leave on my 6 week long trip, I have an urge to update this story. I'll be honest with you guys, when I first started writing this story, I had no idea what I was doing. I had so many ideas in my head and I wanted to put them all on this story. Then, I realized to be a good writer(or even an 'okay' one in my case), you have to plan and have a vision on how you want a story to go. Once I understood that, then this story began to paint a clear path! I'm so excited to see how this story goes and ends. I'm anticipating a 14 pages chapter fic. Thank you to all my great readers!


	10. Chapter 10

Connor pulls away from Jude with a sharp breath intake. This felt familiar. Everything from the way that Jude looked up at him, his lips parted, to the smell of the salt filled air. He hadn't planned on kissing Jude, he hadn't even planned on coming to the beach at this time of the night. He had been laying down on his bed, his face tilted up toward his star filled ceiling. It had been like a pull, a crashing wave to a beckoning shore. 

"We've kissed before," he breathed out.

The shock expression on Jude's face and the way that he turned his face away from Connor, in guilt, confirmed it all. Something twisted deep in Connor and he felt like running away. Ever since the accident, he has been feeling half full, like something was missing from him. When he had seen Jude on his door step earlier that day, he had gotten a flash. A quick flash, like a lightning bolt on a stormy night. 

"Jude." He grabbed the other boys's chin and lifts it up so that their eyes meet.

What he saw broke his heart. Jude's eyes were filled with tears, his nose red and his cheeks rosy from the exertion. He wanted to hold on to Jude, this boy that he had forgotten and yet felt so close to, and never let go of him. He lets out a stuttering breath.

"Jude, I-I want you to be honest with me, Okay?"

Jude nodded.

"Were we ever more than friends?

Jude's eyes roam everywhere besides Connor's, and after a couple of seconds, he nods slowly, eyes still refusing to meet his.

"Connor...I'm so sorry. I-" Jude said softly.

"Why didn't you tell me? You've been lying to me this whole time.why?" Connor couldn't help the anger and hurt from this voice. That was why he had felt off whenever he and Jude had been together. It all made sense now. The small flashes of intimate memories with Jude. He had just waved them away, thinking that, his mind had been playing tricks on him.

"Because...It's all my fault." Jude bit his lip. 

"What?" It comes out quietly. 

Jude furiously wipes his face with his arm, lips quivering. "Th-the accident. It was all my fault."

"What the hell are you talking about?" He demands."How could the accident have been your fault?"

Jude shakes his head and takes a step back. His foot gets caught on a rock and he trips, falling backwards into the shallow water on the beach. Connor stood there silently as he watched the smaller boy pull his knees up and lay his head on them. He walked over to Jude and turned around and sat himself next to Jude in the water, not caring that his cast was getting wet. He'd deal with that later. 

"We were together for two years," Jude started in a mumbled tone, staring at his knees. "We didn't tell anyone. Not even your dad or my moms. Except, my moms, I found out after the accident,had their suspicions, but, they didn't want to push us, so they didn't say anything."

Connor nodded, urging him to continue.

"You didn't want to come out because you were afraid of what your father would say and the team." Jude scoffed bitterly."And I pressured you. I wanted us to go to prom together. That's when everything happened. We broke up. You hooked up with your ex girlfriend-"

"Daria?" Connor asked.

"Yeah, Daria. We had an argument at school and everyone found out that we had been together. Then the accident happened."

Connor took in everything that had been said. "So...where does any of this scream that it's your fault?"

Jude looks at Connor. "I-I mean, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't have gotten drunk and gotten into the accident. If I hadn't been selfish and pressured you into coming out, then maybe we wouldn't have broken up. If I hadn't-"

"Shut up, Jude."

Connor couldn't believe what he was hearing. Jude had been blaming himself this whole time. Telling himself that he was to blame for the old Connor's stupid mistake. Blaming himself for wanting the old Connor to be himself. There was a surging of hate he had for the old Connor. 

"Jude. Stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault, none of this is your fault."

"Then why couldn't you remember me? Why am I the only person that you can't remember?" Jude's voice cracked.

Connor didn't know what to say. He didn't know why his mind did this. He just didn't know. "I don't know, Jude. And I don't think I want to know. Because, that's all in the past."

"Is it though?"

"Yes. It is. Because, I want us to be friends. I want us to be boyfriends."

"Why?"

"Because...I lied, I lied to you too. When I woke up from the recovery room, I recognized you. Not in the sense of facial recognition, but, my heart knew you. It was like a part of me was right in front of me and you held it."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jude asked.

"I was scared. It seems to be a trend with me, huh?" Connor joked. Jude smiled sadly.

"I'm done with being scared, Jude. I want you. Even though I don't know you. I want you so much that it consumes me. I want to make this right. I'll tell my dad. I'll tell the team. Fuck it, I'll tell the whole wide world."

"Yo-you don't have to."

Connor shakes his head. "No. I want to."

Jude eyes search Connor's face. And after a longing second he nods his head, a growing smile on a his face.

"Okay."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I'm enjoying my time in my home country, Ghana, and haven't had the breathing space to even type a single word! So, I hope this chapter will quench your thirst for one. Hope you all are doing well!


	11. Chapter 11

Jude walks to his car after school. Okay. This is it. He and Connor were going to officially come out to both their parents. His moms and Connor's dad. Connor had called Stef and Lena the day after he and Connor had talked on the beach. They had agreed and said that they would do anything to make it comfortable as possible. 

Connor talked his father, told him that Stef and Lena had invited them for dinner and that he would really like it if they went. Adam Stevens had been a little taken a back, but after a couple long seconds, he accepted the invitation.

The doorbell rings, filling the already loud house, with more noise. Jude freezes. His hands still on the pillow that he had been fluffing seconds earlier. The doorbell rings two more times. He feels his hands begin to shake and his face feels warm from the rapid beating of his heart. 

"Jude, honey, aren't you going to get the door?" Stef calls out from the kitchen.

Jude nods his head, unable to get his words out to call out a reply. The seconds it takes to walk to the door are agonizing slow and he's not sure of himself when he finally gets a hold of the door handle. _Let's do this_. Jude opens the door. 

* * *

 The ride to Jude's house is quiet. Connor looks at his father from the side of his eyes. He can tell his dad is annoyed, but he doesn't understand why. Connor had picked out a nice Sunday dinner outfit. Wearing his favorite plaid button down and khakis. His leg cast adding a somewhat interesting touch to the outfit. He as surprised when he had wobbled down the stairs to find his dad also dressed nicely. He had felt warmth in his heart, knowing that his father had actually dressed for the occasion. 

But, as they start to near the Foster's neighborhood, he starts getting really nervous. He and his dad were getting along. Laughing more and making jokes. They had watched the whole Nolan Batman trilogy in their living room. It had been amazing. Connor is worried that his dad won't accept him. That the reveal will push their relationship hundred steps backward, and he didn't want that. 

His dad rang the doorbell. He can hear the sound of yelling and laughter from inside the house, but still the door did not open. His dad rang the door again, two times in a row, in an annoyed fashion. After a couple of minutes the door finally opens.

* * *

 

Jude can't help the small uptake of his heart when sees Connor standing before him. His face bright and earnest, showing clear sighs of the same nerves Jude is feeling. He takes a moment to look at how good Connor looks. He can feel himself blushing. Adam Stevens clears his throat. 

"Uh, Hi, Mr. Stevens." He nods, "Connor. Come in."  Jude lets them in. Stef and Lena give Connor hugs and shake hands with Adam. The smell of pasta and bread sticks fill the kitchen. After the formalities are done. Stef leads them all out to the backyard where Jude and Stef had put the table out and lit the twinkle lights. He wanted everything to be calming and welcoming for this dinner. 

Jude excuses himself to help his mamma bring out the food outside. After the table is set he sit down in a seat across from Connor. Their eyes met. They both smile shyly. The dinner ends up being nice. Stef and Lena do everything in their power to make Connor comfortable and to ask him questions about how he's doing catching up and how Jude was happy to help him. 

* * *

 

Connor's dad had been quiet the whole dinner. Once in a while adding small comments into the conversation. He busied himself with the food around them. Connor knows that his dad knows that something is up. He sighs. It's now or never. He turns to Lena and Stef. 

"Thank you so much for making dinner. It was amazing," He says.

"You're very welcome. We're glad to see you around the house again. It has been a crazy month," Lena says with a kind smile.

"Thank you. We-Uh...Jude and I. We um-" He turns his eyes to his boyfriend, pleading for help. Jude nods in understanding.

"Connor and I wanted to talk to you guys about something. We talked about it for awhile and think that now is the right time to tell you. We've been dating for two years, secretly. We wanted to tell you, we just-" Jude stops.

Connor picks up. "We just didn't know how you would respond." He looks nervously at his father. 

Lena is the first to speak up. "Of course we're more than fine with it. As long as you are both safe and happy. That is all that matters." Stef nods in agreement.

They all unconsciously turn to Adam. He had still not said anything, looking at his lemonade. 

"Dad..." Connor begins.

"I knew." His dad looks at him. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really late update. I've been having waaaay too much on vacation. I honestly wouldn't hope for anything else to happen for awhile. But don't worry! I will complete this story.


	12. Chapter 12

"I knew....," Connor heard his father say from the seat next to him

"Dad. What do you mean you knew?" Connor looked up panicky at Jude. Jude also had a look of disbelief and confusion on his face.

"It was the day of the accident. I came to your school to drop off a medical release form the school had been hounding me to update, for your baseball. I over heard some girls near the office, talking about a scene between you and Jude."

Connor turned to this father.

"They said something about, someone seeing you guys kissing in the courtyard and that you and Jude had a fight about that one girl, Daria." Adam had stopped cold in his tracks when he heard the two girls giggle and gasp about his son and Jude. He had felt a surge of anger and disgust rise from the pit of his stomach.

"When I got home, you were already there. You decided to skip school. I..." Adam paused.

"I asked you if you had something to tell me. You didn't say anything. I asked you if the things I heard from the two girls were true. If you were gay." 

Connor's first on his knee tightened as he slowly began to remember the events that occurred only a month or so ago. He remembered leaving the school after Jude had told him that he never wanted to see him again. He had gotten into his truck and drove as fast he could back home. The house had been empty and he had guessed his dad had gone for errands or something. 

He had put his bag down on the floor next to the couch and grabbed a beer from his dad's alcohol fridge in their basement. He had taken a long sip, languishing the cold bitter taste of the drink. He had heard the front door open and foot steps in the kitchen upstairs. So, he had taken a couple long sips, almost finishing the whole can. He had then hid the can behind a couple beer bottle sin the fridge, and headed upstairs.

"I was mad. I was mad because, this wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to turn out...turn out like them."

He had taken the stairs two at a time and came face to face with his dad in the kitchen. He remembered how angry his dad's expression had been, he just couldn't remember exactly, why his dad had been mad at him. 

"I wasn't feeling well, so I came home," he had said, his excuse for skipping.

"I doubt that, Connor."

"I went to your school today, to drop of your medical release form," Adam had said.

Connor had walked over to the living room and plopped down on the love seat and pulled out his phone, "okay?"

"I heard some interesting things about you and that Foster boy."

Connor's fingers had stopped typing his entry of a new text message to Jake. "What did you hear?" Connor had said quietly, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

"That you guys were making out in the school courtyard."

Connor hadn't replied.

"Well...? Is is true? Are you gay? Because if you're not, and some kids are making up shit about you, we will go straight to the principal and get this all straightened out. I will not have a fucking gay son. I didn't raise you like that. I blame that Jude boy and his disgusting excuse of parents." Adam had walked to where Connor was sitting and had been standing in front of his son.

Connor had risen from where he had been sitting. His skin had been crawling like a fire ants had found solitude on his arms. His breathing had been heavy and he wanted to scream.

"Shut up! You don't know anything about me. You don't know how much shit I've had to suppress for your benefit. You don't understand me at all. It's true. It's all true, I'm gay. Jude is gay, and we've been fucking for two years now, just so you know." Connor had said through a tightened jaw.

Adam Stevens had taken a step back as if he had just been hit by his son. He wanted to shake the boy in front him, to knock some sense into him.

"You're not gay."

His son had laughed bitterly,"Yes. Yes, I am. And I-I'm proud. I love Jude."

Without thinking, Adam foster had taken a step toward Connor and hit him in his face. Connor had been so caught by surprise that he took several steps back and fell back into the love seat he had been sitting in. The air had been tense and emotions were running high. Connor had touched his cheek, noticing a small drop of blood on his palm.

"Con-" Adam had started to say.

Connor had looked back and forth between his father and his hand in shock. Shock quickly turned into anger as he got up from his seat and hurriedly grabbed his keys from the table next to him, and ran out of the house to his truck.

He had pulled out of his driveway as fast as he could muster. He had needed to go back to school. He had to make things right with Jude. He needed to apologize, tell Jude that he loved him, over and over, as many times as he could. 

He hadn't noticed the stop sign at the intersection as he had driven right through it, and right into traffic where a huge truck had collided right into him. Everything had gone black.

"Yo-I, I can't believe you. This whole time- I can't fucking believe you." Connor said as his father revealed the missing piece of his memory. His father had been the catalyst for his unravel that day. 

Connor stood up from his chair and walked back into the Foster's home and up the stairs to Jude's room, the pathway, coming to him immediately. He slammed the door behind him and sat down on Jude's bed.

Meanwhile, in the backyard, Jude remained with his Mom and Momma, both of them silent as they watched Adam in disgust.

"You're a horrible father," Jude said. He also rose from his chair, and walked back into the house, following the sound of crying coming from upstairs.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is way overdue! I'm so sorry. Life and school got in the way. I hope this chapter is up to your liking. The big reveal came to me while watching season 2 of the Fosters.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wrote this chapter for about 2 hours, and silly me, forgot to save it. My laptop shuts down and all my work gone. So this is my second try, although, probably not as good as the first one, but I hope you enjoy.

Jude pushed open the door to his room and closed it quietly. Connor was sitting on Jude’s bed, with his head between his legs. Jude walked over and sat down next to him.

He placed his hand on Connor’s back.

“Connor.”

He didn’t move. It wasn’t until Jude noticed his hand on Connor’s back moving up and down slowly, that he realized the Connor was crying. Quiet sobs filled the room, as Jude rubbed small circles on Connor’s back. His heart broke, watching Connor so upset.

“Why? Why does he hate me?” Connor said in between sobs. He looked up at Jude with tear streaked cheeks. “He’s my father. He’s supposed to love me no matter what. He’s supposed to protect me and accept me. Why am I never good enough for him?”

Jude closed his eyes. He finally understood. This. This was what Connor was protecting himself from. This was why he wanted to keep them a secret. All this time, Jude had been thinking that Connor had been embarrassed of him, ashamed. He had thought that, Connor had wanted to keep him a secret from his father. But now, he knew that Connor wanted to keep him a secret for himself.

Jude was the lucky one. He had parents who knew exactly what he was going through. He had parents that understood and accepted him for the person he was. Connor didn’t have that. He didn’t have the same understanding parent, and Jude should have understood where Connor had been coming from.

“I don’t know, Connor. I just don’t know. I’m so sorry. I-I should have listened to you, I should of understood where you were coming from. When my mom called me that you had been in accident, I felt my whole life drain of everything. Because, I couldn’t-I can’t live without you. What I said, in the hallway that day? That I never wanted you to come close to me? That was a lie. I was angry and confused. I couldn’t see clearly through my haze of hurt. And I’m so sorry.”

Jude wrapped his arms around Connor.

“No. Don’t apologize. I was weak and scared. I should have told him sooner. Maybe, none of this would have happened; the accident, the heartache, Daria.”

Jude winced at the mention of her name. He shook his head and buried his face in Connor’s neck.

“I love you so much, Connor. I know that we can do this. We can do this together. We can be bigger than your father. Forget him, Jake, Daria. All we need is each other and the people who love us, for us. We can do this.” he muttered in Connor’s neck.

Connor’s hands gripped Jude’s shirt on his back. They stayed there together, relishing the warmth of each other.

“Kiss me.”

Connor pulled apart and looked deeply in his eyes. Jude could see pain and hurt in thone brown pools. Maybe this wasn’t the best time for this. Connor was in pain and angry, and those two combinations never made a good mix.

“Con-“

“I need this. Jude, please. Give me this.”

Jude let out a breath and leaned up and kissed him. Connor’s lips were soft and tasted of tears. The kiss was tender and soft, at first.  But then, it grew bigger, more feverish. Jude felt hands at the hem of his shirt. He opened his eyes to find Connor staring at him, asking permission.

Jude nodded.

Connor lifted Jude’s shirt over his head and threw it on the floor, next to the bed. His hands ran down Jude’s chest, catching slightly on Jude’s nipples. Connor’s eyes never strayed from his. Connor captured his lips again, tugging slightly on his bottom lip. Jude let out a moan. Connor lowered his hands and opened the first button of Jude’s pants. His fingers slowly unzipped Jude’s pants.

Jude watched as Connor pulled his pants off and let them fall to the ground. Jude moaned as Connor's lips made their way down his stomach. Connor sucked and bit, lapping over them apologetically. His eyes stuttered closed when he felt Connor’s warm mouth on him. The feel of Connor’s lips on his dick, made his heart pound. He held onto the edge of the bed as he watched Connor go up and down on him. His found their way to Connor’s light brown hair, running through it and ever-so often, pulling it when Connor forced down on him.

His breathes were coming out in gasps as Connor continued to suck and lick him. He watched as Connor pulled off and licked up and down, eliciting a gasp. After only a few minutes, he could feel a tingling in his body.

“Con. Go-god. Connor, I-I’m,” He managed in between gasps.

Connor increased his speed understanding exactly what Jude was trying to tell him. Jude felt the tingling sensation grow and like a multitude of fireworks, his toes curled, and he let go with a moan.

Connor’s mouth was still on him, and he watched as Connor swallowed him, his eyes lustful and bright. Jude pulled him up and kissed away the taste from Connor’s mouth.

“Connor. That was-I”

“Mmm…I know.”

Jude found his hands on the buttons of Connor’s shirt. He unbuttoned as Connor’s mouth lapped at his neck, biting down. He pulled of the shirt, slowly and threw it on the ground. His eyes wandered down the other boy’s golden chest. Connor had a beautiful body, smooth and lean.

He leaned and kissed his chest as he worked at the belt on Connor’s pants. He could feel Connor’s hands rake down his back. Jude pulled down the zipper and let Connor take of his own shoes and socks, while worked on the pants. After a little fumble of hurried fingers, they were both naked on the edge of the bed, both breathing heavy.

“I want you, Jude.” Connor kissed him, his tongue running across his lips.

“Okay,” he breathed out.

Jude leaned over and pulled his drawer open and pulled out a condom. He closed the drawer and held his hand to give the wrapped square to Connor.

Connor shook his head.

“No. I want you to put it on, Jude,” he said huskily.

Jude eyes widened at he looked at Connor and then at the condom in his hand. This was the first time that Connor had ever showed interest of wanting to bottom before. Jude had always been at the receiving end, not that he was complaining or anything. Jude nodded. Connor grinned and bit his lip. He pushed himself up the bed, watching as Jude rip the package open and put in on himself.

He watched as Connor prepared himself with his fingers, a sight he never thought he would see. Long, graceful fingers, went in and out. Jude closed his eyes. This was too much. He could feel his dick throb. He opened his eyes to see light brown eyes watching him.

“Come here.”

Jude made his way to him, as Connor’s legs opened, to allow him access. Jude aligned himself at the opening, his eyes watching Connor’s. Before he could push in, Connor stopped him with a light touch on his arm.

“Wait. Kiss me.”

Jude leaned down and kissed Connor as he pushed in, hearing the small hiss Connor made. Jude stayed there to let Connor adjust.

“Con. Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?” he asked.

Connor shook his head and kissed him again.

“No. It’s fine, I’m good. I jus-“ Connor let out a small grunt. “I just, need to get used to it.”

Jude waited patiently as he let Connor get used to him. His eyes watched the heavy breathing and small moans coming from Connor as he tried to find the best angle to get situated.

“Okay. I’m good. Jude, move.”

Jude pulled out slowly and bottomed back inside him, rising a gasp from Connor. He watched as Connor’s eyes rolled back. He leaned in and kissed and nibbled at the bared neck. Connor’s legs wrapped around his hip, caging him in.

“God, Jude. Yes. Like that.”

Jude pushed in and out, increasing his speed as he heard Connor’s encouragements. Connor’s hand went down to grab himself in between their bodies, pumping up and down on his dick. His other hand was gripping onto Jude’s back.

“Jude. More. Faster,” Connor moaned.

The movements continued faster and now Connor was moaning more loudly as Jude fucked into him. Jude gripped Connor’s hips to increase the speed, providing him leverage. Connor’s breathy moans filled the room as Jude pushed in harder and deeper.

“Connor, you’re so beautiful.”

He could feel that he was getting closer. His thrusts were becoming sporadic and Connor was moving his own hands, open and down more fervently. They were both close.

“Jude. I’m close. Go-“

Jude watched as Connor released himself on his chest, shivering beneath him. He was not far behind, as he could feel his own toes curl. He pulled out, eliciting a small hiss from Connor.

He took of the condom and pumped a few times until he could feel sensations of fireworks go off in his stomach. A few seconds later, Connor’s chest was covered in both their cum.

Jude’s legs went to jelly, but Connor held onto him. They both breathed together, riding out the wave. Together. He got up and walked to his dresser for some tissues. He returned and wiped himself and Connor. He threw the tissue and the condom in the trash. Jude grabbed two sweatpants from his closet and put one on and handed the other to Connor.

“So, that was. Wow,” Connor said. “Jude, you were amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much before.”

Jude blushed.

“Don’t praise me too much. I might start getting a big head,” he joked.

Connor bit his bottom lip and leaned up from where he was seated on the bed.

“Hmm…I don’t know about that. You sure have something else big.”

There was silence before the both of them busted out in laughter. Jude leaned down from where he was standing, and kissed Connor.

“I love you.”

“Me too.”

Connor fell back on the bed in a huff and a yawn.

“I’m tired. You really did a number on me. I’m going to be feeling this for days.”

Jude ducked his head in embarrassment. Connor looked up with a smile.

“But, it was worth it. Every inch of it.”

“Con!” Jude shook his head with laughter. He climbed onto the bed and got under the covers. Connor rolled over and wrapped his arms around Jude’s waist. Jude felt small kisses on his neck as Connor nibbled at his back. They stayed in bed, lazily necking, before Jude heard the quiet breathing behind him. Connor had fallen asleep. Jude smiled.

They were going to do this together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the people who have read and commented on my chapters! The comments keep me going and motivate me to keep writing. I hope you liked this chapter. It got quite hot, eh? This story is almost over. The next chapter will be the finale. It will be a longer one. I will announce on my tumblr when it will be posted.
> 
> http://nightfallgoddess.tumblr.com/


	14. Chapter 14

Another camera flashed in Jude's eyes, as his momma took another picture of he and Connor near the stairs. Prom night. It was finally here. After the whole dinner mess and reveal of the the events that transpired before the accident, he and Connor were joined at the hip. Connor's dad apologized, but it was going to take much more than a heartfelt sorry to win back Connor's trust. 

So, Connor has been staying with the Fosters for the past week. Adam, surprisingly didn't show much restrain and let his son leave. Jude didn't trust Adam, not after what he did to Connor before the accident, but he would be blind to say that he didn't see that Adam was trying. But, it was going to take time, a lot of time.

"Momma. Seriously. We've taken like twenty pictures already," Jude said, rolling his eyes. He could feel the small pressure of Connor's hand, on his back. He leaned into it slightly.

"Hush. It's not everyday that we get to see you in a tux, off to your senior prom-" another camera flash-"You both look so handsome."

Jude turned to his boyfriend, catching the small blush on Connor's cheek. Jude chuckled and leaned in slightly, planting a small peck on the blushing cheek.

He whispered, "momma's right. You look really good in that suit." Jude's eyes flickered up to Connor's, with a small smirk.

"Perfect! That pose is perfect!"

Jude rolled his eyes in amusement. Seeing his moms so excited and happy for him, honestly made his heart warm. Jude has noticed that they seem to be really missing the rest of the Foster children, who have already left the house. Mariana and Jesus were both in college, Brandon was in New York working at a music studio that partners with Julliard, and Callie was working a lot of the time at the Girl's United. Jude was technically the only child.

He looked up at the clock. They were already five minutes late to Prom. "Connor and I need to get going."

Stef and Lena nodded and pulled the boys into a hug. Jude could hear his momma sniffling, and it made him smile. He really got lucky, when he and Callie found the Fosters. They were everything Jude has always wanted in a family, and he was so grateful for them. But, in the moment, he was being chocked together by the force of the hug.

"Momma..."

Lena pulled away, "alright, alright. We'll let you guys go." Connor grabbed his car keys from the hook, and Jude grabbed their tickets. "Remember your curfew is at 12. I better see that ugly truck in the drive way when the clock strikes twelve," She said sternly with a smile.

He and Connor both said yes, as they headed out the door.

By the time that Jude and Connor got to the venue, the whole parking lot was overcrowded with cars. They had to park at a nearby business a block away. They walked to prom, there hands entwined.

"After this semester, I can't believe we're actually here," Jude said.

"Yeah."

Jude looked up at Connor. He could see the visible ticks that Connor displays when he's nervous. Connor's jaw clenched, his teeth worrying his mouth. Jude took his hand out of the hold, and stopped the two of them from continuing to the venue door.

"Hey. It's going to be alright. I'm here, Con. With you."

Connor smiled. "I know. And I'm glad that you are, but that is just-it's just a big step."

Jude's hand touched Connor's cheek. "Look at me." Connor faced him. "You can do this. I believe in you. You've been through so much, and you've made it to where you are now. I love you."

Connor leaned down and closed the small gap between them. There lips moved with the tenderness of their first kiss, in middle school. Jude's hands tingled with goosebumps, and he wanted so much to extend the kiss, but they had a prom to attend. So, he pulled away, but not without going back for a small peck on Connor's lips.

"Let's go," Jude said quietly.

The two of them made their way inside. They handed their tickets into the ticket booths, in exchange to getting their hands stamped.

 "Jude! Connor!" a voice behind them called.

The two of them turned around to see Taylor making her way to them, pulling Jake behind her. Jake and Taylor started talking a couple of days after Connor returned to school. It was surprising to see Jake so smitten with another person, Connor had not seen him like that before. Taylor and Jake completed each other. They were both so outgoing, loud, and caring in their own ways. But, around each other, they seem to be quiet and very shy. It's was actually very adorable.

Taylor was wearing a beautiful royal blue dress, that made her skin olive skin glow under the multicolored lights. The dress flowed behind her, as she walked up to them. Her earrings swaying with her movements. Her face was surprisingly bare of heavy makeup, and she seemed to have opted with just a small hint of blush and light mascara. Either way, she looked beautiful.

"Taylor. You look amazing." Jude said, as she wrapped her arms around him.

She pulled away with a shy smile. "Stop it," she said with a nervous laugh.

"You really do, Tay," Connor pipped up.

"Thanks, Connor." She kissed him on the cheek.

"Wait a minute. So, Connor can compliment you, and I can't?" Jude said with mock hurt.

Taylor rolled her eyes, a fond smile on her face. "You're my best friend Jude, you're basically obligated to compliment me."

They all laughed.

Jake shook hands with Connor, while Jude and Taylor talked about how amazing the decorations came out. Taylor was the head of the prom committee this year, and she had opted with the theme starry night. The venue was skillfully decorated with different shapes and sizes of stars. Twinkle lights on the ceiling, and around columns, basked the ballroom with a dreamy ambiance. It really did look like a night under the stars.

"You and the prom committee did a rad job, Taylor." Jude fixed a loose curl from her simple up-do.

She looked around the room. "Thanks. It was a bitch to plan and set up, but I think we did a pretty good job."

The two of them turned back to their dates. Jake and Connor were animatedly talking about baseball and Sunday night's season finale of The Walking Dead, predicting which of the characters was going to be killed by Negan.

Taylor turned to Jude. "So...you and Connor are actually at prom, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I'm glad. He really does seem more comfortable with himself."

Jude smiled as Connor laughed at something Jake had said. "I think he is. I want him to be. But I don't want him to force himself to be, for my sake. It has to be on his own time."

At that moment, Connor and Jake walked over to he and Taylor. Jude breath caught as he watched the way that the lights in the ballroom scattered across Connor's deep set brown eyes. His hair had grown out a little, and it was styled Clark Kent style. Jude's eyes traveled down to the black suit that his boyfriend was wearing. It was simple, yet very stylish. The suit accented all the best parts of Connor's body, tapering nicely to his waist and shoulders. A simple blue bow tie completed the look.

Connor stood next Jude. "Hey, do you want anything to drink?"

He shook his head. "Nah. I'm fine, Con." Jude turned to him. "Do you want to dance?" he said shyly.

Jude watched Connor look out at the dance floor filled with all of their classmates. Jude sighed, quietly. Connor wasn't ready for that, yet. And he was okay with that. He was just glad that he and Connor were there...together. Jude opened his mouth to say that it was okay if Connor wanted to dance, but Connor interrupted him.

"Jude. Don't say what you were about to say."

Jude closed his mouth.

"Lets go." Connor pulled Jude by the hand, to the dance floor. Jude could feel the eyes on them, as they made their way to the dance floor. But, he ignore them. The music was loud and vibrating, filling Jude's body with the beat.

Connor stopped them, and turned around to face Jude. His eyes were bright, and a small smile formed on his face. He pulled Jude in. Jude's hands automatically landed on Connor's shoulders, as they danced to the beat of the music. Jude couldn't stop the smile on his face from growing. His hands clenched to Connor's shoulders as they started to dance more closely, as the throng of dancing bodies became more vibrant.

Connor leaned in to say something. "I'm having a great time."

Jude laughed. "Me too."

The two of them danced the night away, as if it were the last. Being with each other brought out the best moments, and this moment was not an exception. After a couple of songs, the both of them headed to the drinks table to get some punch. The talked aimlessly about college and other things, as they drank their punch.

"Hi, guys." 

He and Connor turned to find Daria standing in front of them. She standing alone, a nervous look on her face. Jude caught Connor's look, before he looked at her with a small smile and said.

"Hey Daria. How's it going?"

"Good. Look, I know I'm not your favorite person, but I just wanted to come over here to tell you guys that, you look good together, and that I'm happy for you,"-She turned to Connor-"both of you."

Connor nodded politely. "Thanks. That means a lot."

Daria nodded and walked away to her date at her table. Neither of them talked, as they watched her go. They looked at each other, and busted into laughter. It wasn't that they were laughing at Daria. It was more like the situation, that seemed to make them laugh. 

"So, that was awkward," Connor said in between giggles.

Jude nodded. "So awkward."

Connor pointed his chin to the dance floor, that had thinned out because of a slow song.

"Dance with me?"

Jude smiled and took Connor's outstretched hand. They found a small part of the dance floor, to dance. Connor's arms were placed around Jude's waste, while the other had his arms around Connors's back, clutching onto his suit. The smoothing voice of Nora Jones, filled the room, and Jude couldn't believe the moment. It was perfect.

He pulled away to look up at Connor.

"What's wrong?" Connor asked.

"Nothing is wrong. I just want to look at you," Jude replied.

That got a shy smile from Connor, as the two of them stared into each other's eyes as they danced. 

"I love you, Connor."

Connor's smile widened. He leaned down slightly and kissed Jude, softly on the lips. He muttered across Jude's lips.

"I love you. To the moon and back."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taking such a long time to get into to. School got in the way, and also my lack of enthusiasm to complete it after the Fosters let us Jonnor shippers down. Nonetheless, I always try to finish things that I start. I hope this closing chapter sufficed.

**Author's Note:**

> Music:  
> Was I For You?- Night Beds


End file.
